Unhealthy

You consume me.
You drive me crazy.
You tear me apart.
You put me together.
You terrify me.
You rescue me.
You complete me.
You will end me.
I need you to leave.
I need you to stay.
I love you.
I hate you.
Leave me alone.
Never let me go.
I forgive you.
I won't forget.
Please forgive me.
It was all a lie.
You are my drug.
You are my undoing.
I will give you everything.
I can never trust you.
You are my secret.
You are my escape.
You consume me.
Please don't.
Please do.


For H.

The Aftermath

The storm has passed.
The last shot has been fired.
The silence echoes every word louder than ever.
You can't un-strike the lightning.
You can't will the bullet back to the gun.
You can't unsay the words.
The puddles are still rippling.
The shot is still ringing.
The words are hanging in the air.
The sun can't dry the rain that soaked in.
The white flag can't heal the bullet wounds.
"I'm sorry" can't take back all that's been said.
You can't undo a storm.
You can't erase a battle.
You can't un-hurt the ones you love.
The storm has passed.
The last shot has been fired.
The silence echoes every word.
All that's left is picking up the pieces.




For H.

Dreaming

Dreaming.
When we escape from our lives.
When we escape to another world.
Everything is simple.
Black and white in swirling colors.
Adventures from the comfort of home.
Dreaming.
When danger is safe.
When being the hero has never been easier.
Bravery is innate.
Riding into the sunset as the sun rises.
Dreaming.
When he needs you more than anything.
When your love story is epic.
Putting your heart on your sleeve.
His heart is only yours.
Dreaming.
It has to end in the morning.
The sun chases away your happy ending.
Dreaming.
Then waking up.

Reveal My Heart

My pen has a direct link to my heart.

It knows my heart before I do.

It tells me what I hope, love, miss.

My pen reveals me to myself.

That's why I can't pick it up.

I don't want to know my heart, not right now.

I am afraid to know what I hope.

I am scared to find out what I love.

I am terrified that you are what I miss.

I can't bear to learn that I am right where I started.

Or even worse, find that I don't have hope.

Maybe I don't have anything to love.

Perhaps I am too lost to miss  you.

I can't face my pen.

My pen reveals my heart.

When My Darling Said Goodbye

Canceled plans.
Broken promises.
Uncertainty.
Self-consciousness.
Laughter silenced.
Sunlight dimmed.
Memories made painful.
Love turned to grief.
Hellos to goodbyes.
Hopes become false.
Friendship ended.
Joy becomes heartbreak.
When my darling said goodbye.
Because my darling said goodbye.

Shouting

Shouting into nothing, praying you will hear me.
If you heard my voice in the distance would you be glad?
Perhaps you are doing the same but I cannot hear you.
If that is true, shout louder, I need to hear your voice.
Or maybe you stopped shouting and stopped listening.
I pray that isn't true.
I cannot bear to think that it is over for you.
I have to hope you are listening for me.
My voice is gone but I will never stop shouting.
Maybe someday you will hear my whisper.

Home?

How do you know where your home is?

Is it where you grew up?

Is it with your family?

Can it be be more than one place?

Can you make any place home?

Does anyone truly have one?

Or does everyone?

Is it where you have the happiest memories?

Is it where memories are yet to be made?

Where is home?

How do you know if you have one?