Seeking

A longing for completeness.
A longing to be content.
I sought it in myself.
It only broke me more.
I sought it in my friends.
They were seeking in me.
I sought it in fiction.
I had to come back to reality.
The more I sought, the more I longed.
Finally, I stopped.
Never complete, never content.
Then a soft voice washed over me.
"I will make you complete.
I will make you content."
Where have you been?
Why did you not come before?
"You were seeking everything else, child.
I have been seeking you."
Seek me as I seek you and I will search no longer.
Completeness.
Content.

A Girl Standing Alone

There was a girl standing alone.

The pavement glowed around her, angelic light from a past rain.

She was waiting, no one knows what for.

Some tried to guess as they walked by, theories of some life she must live.

But they were all wrong, her secret was hers alone.

A light breeze caused her hair to dance around her face.

All the while, she looked ahead, off into the distance.

Perhaps she was engrossed in some fantasy, maybe she was living one.

This girl was a curious mystery, no one was satisfied.

She did not acknowledge the probing glances, the floating whispers.

Suddenly, she walks away.

The pavement still glowed, but with the haunting absence of the girl.

The girl who stood alone.

I thought I was past this...

I thought I was past this.
I thought I had moved forward.
Perhaps this is my curse.
Maybe I will have to carry this all my days.
Maybe my life will be one step forward then fall on my ass.
Perhaps progress is a myth.
I thought I was healing.
I thought I could roll up my sleeves.
Maybe I was always bleeding.
Perhaps once broken, I was always shattered.
Maybe a broken heart will always bleed.
I thought I was past this.
I thought I was past this...

Screwed Up Together (my favorite)

My favorite thing is when we don't have to talk,
When we just understand each other.
I like when we talk and realize we are both broken,
We just sit with our glue and put all the pieces back together.
I love when we seem like old friends when we just met;
When we get each other better than our old friends do.
I love when we are screwed up together;
When we scare the normal people away.
I like when we hate the world together,
When everyone but us sucks.
My favorite thing is when we make each other feel better;
When calling each other names is better than therapy.
So, friend, let's be screwed up together.
That's my favorite thing.


For L

Unhealthy

You consume me.
You drive me crazy.
You tear me apart.
You put me together.
You terrify me.
You rescue me.
You complete me.
You will end me.
I need you to leave.
I need you to stay.
I love you.
I hate you.
Leave me alone.
Never let me go.
I forgive you.
I won't forget.
Please forgive me.
It was all a lie.
You are my drug.
You are my undoing.
I will give you everything.
I can never trust you.
You are my secret.
You are my escape.
You consume me.
Please don't.
Please do.


For H.

The Aftermath

The storm has passed.
The last shot has been fired.
The silence echoes every word louder than ever.
You can't un-strike the lightning.
You can't will the bullet back to the gun.
You can't unsay the words.
The puddles are still rippling.
The shot is still ringing.
The words are hanging in the air.
The sun can't dry the rain that soaked in.
The white flag can't heal the bullet wounds.
"I'm sorry" can't take back all that's been said.
You can't undo a storm.
You can't erase a battle.
You can't un-hurt the ones you love.
The storm has passed.
The last shot has been fired.
The silence echoes every word.
All that's left is picking up the pieces.




For H.

Dreaming

Dreaming.
When we escape from our lives.
When we escape to another world.
Everything is simple.
Black and white in swirling colors.
Adventures from the comfort of home.
Dreaming.
When danger is safe.
When being the hero has never been easier.
Bravery is innate.
Riding into the sunset as the sun rises.
Dreaming.
When he needs you more than anything.
When your love story is epic.
Putting your heart on your sleeve.
His heart is only yours.
Dreaming.
It has to end in the morning.
The sun chases away your happy ending.
Dreaming.
Then waking up.

Reveal My Heart

My pen has a direct link to my heart.

It knows my heart before I do.

It tells me what I hope, love, miss.

My pen reveals me to myself.

That's why I can't pick it up.

I don't want to know my heart, not right now.

I am afraid to know what I hope.

I am scared to find out what I love.

I am terrified that you are what I miss.

I can't bear to learn that I am right where I started.

Or even worse, find that I don't have hope.

Maybe I don't have anything to love.

Perhaps I am too lost to miss  you.

I can't face my pen.

My pen reveals my heart.