Caught Off Guard

I glance your way when suddenly I'm caught off guard
 by the emotions that swell up inside me.
By the thoughts that run through my mind.
By the memories from years ago that now seem like only yesterday.
My friends have always questioned my interest in you and to be honest so have I.
Because before I had never noticed your smile.
Now it weakens my knees.
I had never noticed how your eyes shine like gold.
Now they melt my heart.
I keep having to stop my thoughts in their tracks
 and remind myself that you love her.
Everyone sees you with her and I know you don't think of me.
I know you are oblivious to the fact that I can't help but stare at you.
You don't even know how I think about you every minute of every day.
That I can see our whole life together.
That I can see myself falling madly in love with you.
You don't know how I dream of holding you hand in mine
 and gazing into your eyes for hours.
You have no idea how you have caught me off guard.

See You Soon (Goodbyes)

Goodbyes are hard to say.
I guess that's why we keep avoiding them.
We haven't let it sink in that those goodbyes are lurking so close.
We laugh and we smile unaware of what is happening.
It's been coming for so long but we didn't think twice about it.
We can start to sense the goodbyes but we ignore it because we know how difficult they are.
As it starts to sink in the tears do also.
But since goodbye is so hard I'll just say, "See you soon."
Tears are a welcomed friend now as I hold you close knowing I have to let go.
Goodbye, I love you, I'll miss you.
I'll see you soon.

--For my sister. I love you KK--

The Pain I Feel

How do you explain to others a pain you can't come to grips with yourself?
How to you express the sheer agony of not knowing life before the nightmare?
When suddenly the nightmare is all you know.
How do you tell someone the feeling of wanting to go somewhere, anywhere,
to escape, to have just one moment without worry or pain?
How do you escape yourself?
How do you help someone understand that you've lost hope?
Lost faith.
How do you tell yourself that this is your life now, there's no waking up from the nightmare?
How do you stop the constant reminders of life with no pain.
At least not this pain.
How small those worries and pains seem now.
Was there really a time when that's all that worried me?
That was the most pain? The most fear? The biggest heartache?
How do you tell yourself to keep going when you can feel the worst has yet to come?
How do you keep going when your whole life... hope... faith has been shattered?
How do you explain to someone that they don't know how you feel?
They should never know how this pain feels.
How can you ever be the same again?
The answer is you can't.

Once Upon A Dream...

Swirling, swimming, gliding, diving, flying.
Like a warm embrace or a pillow of clouds.
Candy Land, the Milky Way, a palace, a giant teddy bear.
A strange world of unknown yet all knowing.
Dive into the lake of cotton candy the dance through the pink and purple stars.
Fly beyond the Milky Way to the ends of the universe.
White horses running through a field of glitter, flying up around them like a sparkling cloud of dust.
Snow softly sparkling around with no sense of cold.
Sweet smelling candles glowing bright and warm.
Wearing a flowing dress, rippling in the warm breeze.
Under a giant willow tree with fireflies glowing in the branches.
Orange, red, and yellow leaves falling down continuously.
Dancing into the sunset.
Sweet smelling rose petals raining down onto a field of wild flowers.
Swirling, swimming, gliding, diving, flying.
Then waking up from a perfect dream.

The Love Note

My smile grows wider as I continue to read what you wrote to me.
I can almost hear you saying it.
I can practically see your smile as I read your sloppy handwriting.
That smile that I can't help but return.
When you smile your eyes crinkle up like paper and my heart skips a beat.
Oh those eyes that I dream about every night and imagine every day.
Your eyes that melt my heart as you touch my cheek.
Your touch never ceases to make my heart beat ten times faster.
And your laugh will always make me go weak at the knees.
I'll never forget when I first saw those eyes and that smile.
Or when I first felt that touch and heard that laugh.
That first time that I saw you I fell in love.
I finished reading the letter signed with your love and turned out the light.
I lay in bed thinking of how when I first saw your
hands I imagined them holding mine.
I fell asleep smiling as I thought of your kiss.
I woke up to your kiss and my smile grew wider.

If My Life Was a Movie

I feel the rain cold on my skin.
I hear it falling around me.
I hear feet splashing in the puddles.
People running for cover from this icy shower.
I don't mind.
The icy water numbs the pain.
The raindrops on my face disguise my tears.
I can't block out the memories.
I play them in my head like a bad movie.
That's what my life is.
My life is the movie that no one ever wants to rent.
What if the hero never saved the day?
What if the best friend never had good advice?
What if the guy never got the girl of his dreams?
That's my life.
The disappointing story that no one would listen to.
The rain is falling harder now.
The cold water is soaking down to my very soul yet I feel no difference.
I am ice to the core.
We said goodbye.
The end.
Ending credits.
People walk out of the theater in disappointment.
That's it.
My life is a movie no one wants to see.
I feel the rain cold on my skin.
The end.

Forget Him

He sees me, then makes me invisible.
He notices me, but acts like he doesn't.
He tells himself that he isn't breaking my heart.
If only I could believe it like he does.
If only I could block out his laugh.
If I could just forget his humor that I can't help but laugh at.
If I could look into those eyes and not end up
thinking about them for the next week.
If I could just lose that sixth sense that lets me know when ever he's near.
If I could just forget him.
Please let me forget him.

Bitter Endings

"All endings are bitter sweet."
I disagree.
Some are just bitter.
I knew this was one of those endings.
"The feeling was mutual."
They don't mention how awful that feeling is.
How it's like your whole soul just turned sour.
How choking back sobs makes your whole being turn ice cold.
I knew what I was saying when I made this ending come about.
You knew too.
The careless words that crushed my heart to say and to hear.
I cried all night.
You didn't shed a tear.
How does it feel to that heartless?
How does it feel to not feel loss?
I don't know wether to pity you or to envy you.
I didn't know you could loath and love someone at the same time.
To miss them, yet not miss them at all.
Just know I treasure every laugh and every tear.
I treasure the good memories as well as the bad.
Just know I forgive you.
I will always love you.
You will remain forever in my heart.
Goodbye.
The--bitter--end.

Remember Me

Remember me when you are gone.
Remember the good times and the bad.
The laughter and the tears.
The heartache and pain.
The love that made it worth while.
The times you held me in your arms.
The times we wouldn't touch at all.
The words I whispered in your ear for only you to hear.
Remember this when you are gone.
Remember me.

Your Cold Melted My Heart

You proved to be cold.
Cold as ice.
Chilling my soul yet melting my heart.
This false warmth drew me to you like a moth to a flame.
But this flame was a bitter and cold surprise.
You iced me to the point I was numb to what you were doing to me.
Because your cold melted my heart.

I Find Myself Laughing

Endless joy is what I find in your presence.
I find myself laughing when I'm sad.
You brighten my spirit like the sun on a rainy day.
I'll feel as burdened as a rock and you make me feel like a trouble free bubble.
You're like rain to a flower after a drought.
You brighten the world just by being you.
I'll be sad and crying when you come along.
I find myself laughing.

Don't Cry

Don't cry.
With every tear that runs down your cheek is like a stab in my heart.
For each tear you shed I will shed ten more.
Every sob that escapes your mouth is like a slap in the face.
Every broken piece of your heart breaks mine.
Every cloudy sky for you gives me a storm.
But every sunshine for you gives me spring time.
So don't cry.
It breaks my heart for you to shed just one tear.
But you mend it with every smile.

I love you

I love you.
Why do those words means so much?
They're the same as any other word.
Why should it matter what sounds my voice make or words my mouth forms?
Why do these words mean romance, faithfulness, and companionship?
Why do they sometimes have as much meaning to us as the word "it"?
Why do they sometimes mean the world to us?
They're just words.
Or are they?
These words have been said so many times in so many ways since the beginning of time.
Je t'aime, ich liebe dich, te amo, te quiero, ti amo, te iubesc.
I didn't know why until know.
I love you.

The Heart of Stone

Skin cold as ice.
Eyes sharp and cruel.
Mouth speaking words of hate.
The very air around him is as cold and dark as his soul.
He takes in long skeptical breaths though it brings no comfort.
His chest is still and quiet.
No warm thumping of a heart.
This heart wont beat for it has grown so hard it cannot.
Bitterness has over ruled this humanly form of life and warmth.
Those who met him hate and pity him at once.
They hate the man with no soul, warmth, or gentleness.
The pity the man with no love, home, or hope.
The despise the man with the heart of stone.

The Magical Melody

Soft and sweet the notes play.
Dancing in my head.
Gracefully and elegantly.
Lightly and magically like pixie dust.
Joined by the long and flowing notes.
They play in beautiful harmony.
Playing lightly around each other.
Working beautifully together like the hot,
blazing sun and the cool, graceful wind.
They float softly in the air.
Like a fragile bubble.
Then sadly they stop.
Leaving nothing but the haunting vibrations
left in the air by this magical melody.

One Tear

One tear ran down my face.
Like a raindrop on my window.
That one tear held all the heart break, the memories,
 the sleepless nights, and the pain.
Every day spent in misery, every moment I spent acting like everything was okay.
Nothing was okay.
For every night I lie in my bed and let agony have me.
Misery and agony ripping through me like a double-edge sword.
Ripping and tearing my heart.
That single tear fell to the ground like a raindrop.
I was blank with nothing to show for but a wet trail down my cheek from one tear.

That Moment Ended

He was sweet.
He was funny.
He was cute.
He smiled and my heart skipped a beat.
We walked and laughed and wished upon stars.
He told me a secret that I promised not to tell.
For that moment sitting in my bed, heart pounding contently, I was the happiest I had ever been.
That moment ended.
Like a shooting star or a beautiful sunset it was a glimpse of him.
A beautiful moment.
Before I realized it he had broken the heart that I willingly gave to him.
And like that, the moment ended.

What Bothers Me

The sound of a hundred frogs croaking loudly.
This bothers me.
The itch on my legs when I'm trying to sleep.
This bothers me.
Honey bees and flies buzzing around me.
This bothers me.
The screech when a fork scrapes across a plate.
This bothers me.
The wind blowing everything out of my hands.
This bothers me.
Ice that makes you slip at the smallest movement.
This bothers me.
When the one I love breaks me heart but I still love them.
This bothers me.

Warm Light

Warm light.
It touches my skin so softly I barely notice.
Soft warmth that brightens my heart.
It touches my face and dries my tears.
Like a flower I turn almost involuntarily towards this warm light.
My toes touch the soft white sand.
It's warm on my feet.
The cold water washes up to my toes.
The smell of salt water and sun screen touches my nose.
The sound of sea gulls floats to my ears.
The waves rolling towards me then dying down.
Peace and warmth.
The soothing sound of the waves.
The warm light.

Black and White Melody

Black and white stretched out in front of me.
Melodies dancing in my head.
I touch a key, then another.
Music is flowing.
Tender notes quiver softly in the air.
Sweetly touching my heart.
Then rage poured out onto the keys.
The hard chords and sharp notes slicing through the silence.
The melody continued to flow beautifully shaking the air.
My fingers moved swiftly across the black and white keys.
They came down hard once, then once more they softly touched the keys.
This soft note hung in the air sweetly until my ears rang with silence.
The sweet song was done.

Where Quiet Birds Sing

Calm river.
Still trees.
Quiet birds singing soft lullabies.
Tall, green grass filled with pink and purple wild flowers.
Soft yellow light coming down between the leaves.
A white wooden bridge.
Willow trees with branches that almost touch the water.
A small row boat floating among the lily pads.
A woman in a pink sundress with white lace and a white hat that hides her face.
Her brown short curls and pink lips can be seen under her hat
by a tall man in a white suit with dark hair and blue eyes.
Peace and quiet serenity can be found in this happy scene.
This can only be found by a calm river and still trees where quiet birds sing.

Calm or Crazy

Roaring, pouring, misting, foaming waterfalls.
Icy blue water falls into the river below foaming white.
I can feel the mist on my face casting rainbows over the bottom of the roaring falls.
The rocks around this commotion are all but blocked from view by the large bellow of white water.
The contrast of the still rocks to the gushing water is enormous.
All of this roaring, pouring, and gushing leads to a calm, cool river.
This calm water filled with fish and surrounded by green grass, tall trees, and flowers.
Calm and quiet.
hectic and loud.
All the same water coming from the same place.
Yet all beautiful.

The Open Curtain

The hum of a hundred whispers.
The swish of long skirts.
The light tapping of soft shoes on the shining black floor.
The thumping hearts of nervous people.
The sound of people kissing each others cheeks for good luck.
Then everything goes still.
A loud voice speaks announcing names and titles.
Quiet.
The sudden opening of the thick red curtain is startling.
Blinding white lights it our eyes.
The music thundering in the speakers.
The hundreds of eyes staring up at us are all but hidden in the darkness.
The dance has begun.

Starlight, Star Bright

Starlight, star bright.
Shining far away.
Sparkling and shining magically above my head.
I lie in the soft green grass and watch this magical sparkle from a magicless world.
Glittering, twinkling, sparkling, shining.
Like pixie dust strewn across the dark sky giving light to this dark world.
Like a spark of hope that this place isn't as dark and wonderless as it seems.
Then a splendor of light shoots across the sky as I gaze in awe of the beauty.
I close my eyes tight and wish for more magical beauty here on earth.
Somewhere in the world someone fell in love answering my wish.

The Little Black Dress

The little black dress.
The long-stemmed, red roses.
The sunset picnic.
The firelight kisses.
The poetry whispered in her ear.
The candle lit dinner.
The sung love songs.
The slow waltz while sipping red wine.
The three whispered words of love.
The kissed hand while he tells her she's beautiful.
The words of charm he uses to make her laugh and sigh.
Romance.
It started with a little black dress and ended with a long white one.

The Red Rose

I was handed a red rose.
Each petal perfectly red and smooth.
The stem was long and deep green.
There were no thorns.
The most perfect rose I had ever seen.
I lifted it to my nose and smelled it.
It smelled more sweet than anything I had ever smelled before.
Like sugar but sweeter and as rich as chocolate.
The petals were as smooth as silk and as soft as velvet.
As red as a drop of blood.
As light as a down feather.
As romantic as a sunset or candles.
More romantic than any love song or poem.
Three words were whispered in my ear and I was handed a red rose.

Sunset

Red. Pink. Orange. Purple. Blue.
Streaks. Swirls. Bursts.
Beauty far beyond words.
No picture or painting could do it justice.
Colors more amazing than any flower or fruit.
Light brighter than any light bulb or flame.
Strokes of beauty in every detail.
It's getting smaller but more beautiful.
The colors are deeper than any ocean and brighter than any star.
More graceful than any dancer, more entrancing than any song.
A glimpse of the most beauty in all creation then nothing.
The sun has set and the beauty is gone.

The Race

My ears are ringing.
My heart is pounding.
My breath coming in gasps.
The clock is ticking and I can't make it stop.
I'm running.
My legs burning and my feet screaming in pain.
I can't stop.
I wont stop.
Running, ticking, pounding, burning, gasping.
Can't stop.
Racing against time.
My legs wont move any faster but my heart is willing for them to.
It seems a thousand miles away.
The clock is moving faster than me.
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
My heart is pounding in my chest.
Tha, thump, tha, thump.
Have to keep moving but my lungs are on fire.
I hear the chime.
I keep moving but I know it's too late.
I've lost the race.

I Can Hear the Rain

I can hear the rain.
Dropping on my roof, dripping on my window pane.
It glows on the pavement as I look out my window.
It sings me to sleep when music can't.
It mimics my tears as I think of you.
It falls, it splashes, it drips, it drops, it heals my broken heart.
It touches my skin like ice but it warms me.
It forms rings as it falls into puddles.
It is my lullaby.
Its friends thunder and lightning comfort me.
They act as a safe haven.
I curl up in my bed and look out the window when they come to say hello.
I walk down the street and lay in the grass as the rain falls down on me.
Falling, splashing, dripping, dropping, healing my heart.
The sun has come out to dry my wet skin but I can still hear the rain.

Eyes.

Eyes.
They're everywhere.
Looking, gazing, peeking.
But these are different:
in the sun they shine like melting gold,
but in the shade they are like an aqua lake.
These eyes don't see the outward look, they see your soul.
Like glass you see right through them,
but at the same time they are deep as the sea and full of mystery.
What are these beautiful spheres that see my heart and soul, that pierce my very being, that make my knees go weak?
They are the most amazing thing I've ever seen but the strangest.
They melt my heart when I think of them.
They are graceful and elegant, yet hard and cold.
Sweet like melting honey, yet bitter with all the memories they give me.
Like a glass lake, yet like a shallow pool.
Full of wonders and thoughts that you almost read, yet hard and full of mystery.
They give me life, and yet take it away.
Eyes: full of beauty and mystery.