When My Darling Said Goodbye

Canceled plans.
Broken promises.
Uncertainty.
Self-consciousness.
Laughter silenced.
Sunlight dimmed.
Memories made painful.
Love turned to grief.
Hellos to goodbyes.
Hopes become false.
Friendship ended.
Joy becomes heartbreak.
When my darling said goodbye.
Because my darling said goodbye.

Shouting

Shouting into nothing, praying you will hear me.
If you heard my voice in the distance would you be glad?
Perhaps you are doing the same but I cannot hear you.
If that is true, shout louder, I need to hear your voice.
Or maybe you stopped shouting and stopped listening.
I pray that isn't true.
I cannot bear to think that it is over for you.
I have to hope you are listening for me.
My voice is gone but I will never stop shouting.
Maybe someday you will hear my whisper.

Home?

How do you know where your home is?

Is it where you grew up?

Is it with your family?

Can it be be more than one place?

Can you make any place home?

Does anyone truly have one?

Or does everyone?

Is it where you have the happiest memories?

Is it where memories are yet to be made?

Where is home?

How do you know if you have one?

How Strange a Feeling

How strange a feeling, when your future becomes your present.

All that you have been planning, waiting for, arrives.

The time has come so fast but passed so slow.

You couldn't wait for this time but now you wish you didn't have to go.

Suddenly the past is more desirable than what was your future.

It is almost like none of it is happening, like a dream.

Once a kid wishing for the future, now an adult dreaming of the past.

How strange a feeling, when your future becomes your present.

Chimes

Time ticks by.
Slowly, painfully.
My heart thumping.
Like the chime of a grandfather clock.
Waiting.
The thumps and ticks get louder.
I am all too aware of the passing time.
Whether silence or noise around me.
All I hear is the thumping, the ticking.
No peace, just time passing.
Chimes like a grandfather clock, telling me my time is up.
We ran out of time.
Now, the thumping, the ticking.
Wishing I could have time back.
I wait for nothing as time ticks by.
Slowly, painfully.
Chimes of grandfather clocks.

When God Speaks (God's Love)

God, the Holy One, rescue me from my despair.
Don't hide Your face from me in my pain.
Lord of all creation, I do not deserve Your pity.
But have You not promised to never leave me nor forsake me?
Where have You gone, Lord?
Why would You leave me when I need You most?
I try to run to You, my stronghold, but I cannot find You.
Again and again I pray for deliverance from this pit of anguish.
But then you say to me,
"Child, I have not left you.
Despair has blinded you to My love.
Am I not a loving God?
Am I not a God who keeps his promises?
Child, My beloved, the trial is over, come to My arms,
bury yourself in my love, for it is infinite.
I will dry your tears, I will heal your wounds.
Beloved daughter, be at peace, despair no longer.
I do not wish pain upon you, My child, your every tear wounds Me.
Let Me help you, let Me love you.
Don't leave Me again, beloved, it breaks my heart.
Walk with Me in the light, build, with Me, My Glory.
My Kingdom is coming, My child, do not despair.
Your pain will end and there will be no more night, no more tears.
You will be with Me forever, in My embrace.
But for now, be strong and feed My sheep."

Hello Sometimes Goodbye

Sometimes I miss you when you're right in front of me.
Sometimes your laugh sounds like a goodbye.
Sometimes I feel far away when I'm in your arms.
Sometimes hello's predict goodbye's.
You think I'm joking when I frown at your departure.
If you only knew, darling.
What I wouldn't give to never say goodbye to you again.
Promise me we will never say goodbye.
Promise me, dear, that no goodbye is forever.
Sometimes, my dear, I feel your departure.
Sometimes goodbye sounds like it's over.
Because sometimesI miss you.
Sometimes hello.
Sometimes goodbye.

Fine.

I am fine.
I hate that I am fine.
I was sad.
I hated that I was sad.
But now, I am fine.
Now I hate that I am fine.
But the sadness was sick of being sad and left.
Now, I am fine.
I hate fine.

Why Can't I Be Honest?

Poetry is supposed to be my escape,
 the one place where I didn't need to be afraid of being honest.
Yet, here I am, lying to myself with my pen.
This is something I did not believe possible.
Why can't I admit, even here, how I really feel?
What I'm really thinking.
I look at the words I write and see the same lies I have been telling everyone else.
I feel as though I have betrayed my pen.
I am so sorry, I have betrayed my writing.
Why can't I be honest with my pen?

Inspiration (Or Lack There Of)

How is it that I care more deeply for you than I did for him
  While with him inspiration was never lacking?
Is it because my best work came from that heartbreak?
Or perhaps it's due to that fact that after him
  I don't let my feelings have their day
How is it that I can think about you for hours
  And not a word will form under my pen?
I hate that I've won awards for a poem about his eyes
  And can't write a sentence about yours
Was it because hating that you love someone
  Is more poetic than what we have?
Whatever it is that we have.
Maybe I'm just scared that I don't care for
   You as much as I thought.
Or is it crazy to base the interpretation of your
   feelings on poetry, or lack there of?
But if that's the case, then why can't I write about you?

The Power

How can I explain what you mean to me?
How can I make you understand how much I have to lose?
Don't you understand that you have the power to break my heart?
I've tried my hardest not to give you that power.
But I failed.
I fell.
So, congratulations, you now have the power to take it all away.
The power to break me heart.
But please don't.

Just Being You

You make me happy.
When you smile, so do I.
You make me laugh.
You make me blush.
You make my knees go weak.
When I'm sad, you're the one I call.
The thought of you makes me smile.
You claim my affections just by being you.
You make me laugh.
You make me smile.
You make me happy.

Gone

Show me. Tell me.
Reach out. Call out.
Give me reason to stay.
I won't wait forever.
So, tell me now.
Give me a reason,
Just one and I'll stay.
I won't wait forever.
Do you love me or not?
Don't string me along.
I want to stay, but as much as I want to,
I can't without a reason.
So, here's your chance.
Your last.
Going...
Going...
Tell me! Show me!
Going...
Going...
Give me a reason, just one, please.
Going...
Going...
I won't wait forever, I can't.
Going...
Going...
Please.
Going...
Going...
I'm gone.

You Don't Know Pain

Frozen in place, the memories come back in flashes.

Fear. Hate. Blame. Loss. Sob. Fake. Empty. Pain. Voices. Lies.

Hit. Hate. Hell.

Thoughts. Fear. Coward.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Please.

Razor? Pill? Knife? Jump?

Stop it!

End it!

Stop it!

End it!

Stop!

Die!

Stop!

Kill!

Crying. Begging. Searching.

Lost.

Empty. Dying. Fear. Hate. Pain. Hell.

End it?

End it!

End it.

End it!

Can't.

Coward.

Hate. Sob. Hit. Think. Fear. Hide. Fake. Empty. Pain. Masking.

God!

Beg. Cry. Hit. Blame.

God?

Voices. Lies.

Truth?

Hit. Hate. Hell.

Pain.

Razor?

Pain.

Pill?

Pain.

Knife?

Pain.

Jump?

Why?

Blame. Hate. Loss. Sob. Dying.

Hope?

Gone.

Pain?

Real.

Who?

Nothing.

Me?

No one.

Voices. Lies?

Hate. Hate. Hate.

Coward! End it! End it! End it!

Can't?

No.

Peace?

Want.

End it!

Sob. Hit. Hate. Hell.

End it!

Pain. Poison. Please!

Deliverance? Deliverance?

Sob. Beg. Pain.

God!

End this.

Back to now and I look you in your eyes.

I don't know pain?

Open Book

The sad truth is, I'm an open book.
My poems are the pages.
The secrets of my heart rest in these words.
What makes me laugh, what makes me cry...
Even the things that hurt to write, that haunt my pen.
The pages of my notebook knew my heart before I did.
My pen translates the truths and hurts of my heart.
Anyone can write words on a page, the truth is harder.
Everyone knows my life, my story.
I'll tell anyone about me if they ask.
I'm an open book, I have always said that.
But the truth makes me wish I wasn't.
Because the sad truth is, I've torn the pages.