Caught Off Guard

I glance your way when suddenly I'm caught off guard
 by the emotions that swell up inside me.
By the thoughts that run through my mind.
By the memories from years ago that now seem like only yesterday.
My friends have always questioned my interest in you and to be honest so have I.
Because before I had never noticed your smile.
Now it weakens my knees.
I had never noticed how your eyes shine like gold.
Now they melt my heart.
I keep having to stop my thoughts in their tracks
 and remind myself that you love her.
Everyone sees you with her and I know you don't think of me.
I know you are oblivious to the fact that I can't help but stare at you.
You don't even know how I think about you every minute of every day.
That I can see our whole life together.
That I can see myself falling madly in love with you.
You don't know how I dream of holding you hand in mine
 and gazing into your eyes for hours.
You have no idea how you have caught me off guard.

See You Soon (Goodbyes)

Goodbyes are hard to say.
I guess that's why we keep avoiding them.
We haven't let it sink in that those goodbyes are lurking so close.
We laugh and we smile unaware of what is happening.
It's been coming for so long but we didn't think twice about it.
We can start to sense the goodbyes but we ignore it because we know how difficult they are.
As it starts to sink in the tears do also.
But since goodbye is so hard I'll just say, "See you soon."
Tears are a welcomed friend now as I hold you close knowing I have to let go.
Goodbye, I love you, I'll miss you.
I'll see you soon.

--For my sister. I love you KK--

The Pain I Feel

How do you explain to others a pain you can't come to grips with yourself?
How to you express the sheer agony of not knowing life before the nightmare?
When suddenly the nightmare is all you know.
How do you tell someone the feeling of wanting to go somewhere, anywhere,
to escape, to have just one moment without worry or pain?
How do you escape yourself?
How do you help someone understand that you've lost hope?
Lost faith.
How do you tell yourself that this is your life now, there's no waking up from the nightmare?
How do you stop the constant reminders of life with no pain.
At least not this pain.
How small those worries and pains seem now.
Was there really a time when that's all that worried me?
That was the most pain? The most fear? The biggest heartache?
How do you tell yourself to keep going when you can feel the worst has yet to come?
How do you keep going when your whole life... hope... faith has been shattered?
How do you explain to someone that they don't know how you feel?
They should never know how this pain feels.
How can you ever be the same again?
The answer is you can't.

Once Upon A Dream...

Swirling, swimming, gliding, diving, flying.
Like a warm embrace or a pillow of clouds.
Candy Land, the Milky Way, a palace, a giant teddy bear.
A strange world of unknown yet all knowing.
Dive into the lake of cotton candy the dance through the pink and purple stars.
Fly beyond the Milky Way to the ends of the universe.
White horses running through a field of glitter, flying up around them like a sparkling cloud of dust.
Snow softly sparkling around with no sense of cold.
Sweet smelling candles glowing bright and warm.
Wearing a flowing dress, rippling in the warm breeze.
Under a giant willow tree with fireflies glowing in the branches.
Orange, red, and yellow leaves falling down continuously.
Dancing into the sunset.
Sweet smelling rose petals raining down onto a field of wild flowers.
Swirling, swimming, gliding, diving, flying.
Then waking up from a perfect dream.

The Love Note

My smile grows wider as I continue to read what you wrote to me.
I can almost hear you saying it.
I can practically see your smile as I read your sloppy handwriting.
That smile that I can't help but return.
When you smile your eyes crinkle up like paper and my heart skips a beat.
Oh those eyes that I dream about every night and imagine every day.
Your eyes that melt my heart as you touch my cheek.
Your touch never ceases to make my heart beat ten times faster.
And your laugh will always make me go weak at the knees.
I'll never forget when I first saw those eyes and that smile.
Or when I first felt that touch and heard that laugh.
That first time that I saw you I fell in love.
I finished reading the letter signed with your love and turned out the light.
I lay in bed thinking of how when I first saw your
hands I imagined them holding mine.
I fell asleep smiling as I thought of your kiss.
I woke up to your kiss and my smile grew wider.

If My Life Was a Movie

I feel the rain cold on my skin.
I hear it falling around me.
I hear feet splashing in the puddles.
People running for cover from this icy shower.
I don't mind.
The icy water numbs the pain.
The raindrops on my face disguise my tears.
I can't block out the memories.
I play them in my head like a bad movie.
That's what my life is.
My life is the movie that no one ever wants to rent.
What if the hero never saved the day?
What if the best friend never had good advice?
What if the guy never got the girl of his dreams?
That's my life.
The disappointing story that no one would listen to.
The rain is falling harder now.
The cold water is soaking down to my very soul yet I feel no difference.
I am ice to the core.
We said goodbye.
The end.
Ending credits.
People walk out of the theater in disappointment.
That's it.
My life is a movie no one wants to see.
I feel the rain cold on my skin.
The end.

Forget Him

He sees me, then makes me invisible.
He notices me, but acts like he doesn't.
He tells himself that he isn't breaking my heart.
If only I could believe it like he does.
If only I could block out his laugh.
If I could just forget his humor that I can't help but laugh at.
If I could look into those eyes and not end up
thinking about them for the next week.
If I could just lose that sixth sense that lets me know when ever he's near.
If I could just forget him.
Please let me forget him.